Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Notes From a Foxhole: Raw Schemes & Prayers

Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
2 T chia soaked in homemade hempseed mylk (Blend 2 palmfuls hempseed in water, sweeten to taste, blend well.) Top with chopped apple and cinnamon or raw trail mix. A hydrating harmless dish, for those of us who tend to overeat. ;-) Notice I kept the big guns out: coconut oil and the like.
 God/Goddess PLEASE help me through the tangle of inexperience and ineptness through to functionality, creation and sharing.

Oh God! Laughs. Is is morning? Yes, it's morning. Is it noon? Yes, it's  noon. Am I in my robe? Yes, I'm in my robe. Is that professional? No, that's not professional.

Is a blog meant to be a counselor, a coach, a kick in the butt to start your day? Well, if you're Cindy it could be. Anything can happen. Well, let's see that is, if I'm fully alive, anything can happen.

Am I fully alive?

Not yet but maybe by the end of this post I will be.

What am I going to do with myself? Work out!

A Little Raw Trouble: Warmed coconut sap over Laughing Giraffe Snakeroons & Dark Chocolate: Estimated Time Unknown

The sunlight is reaching into me in my indoor world. Yesterday I did my run to Sacajawea and I've done a run almost every morning. This morning, so far, I've hit a snag. It's still debatable.

I am grateful for realizing my body is frozen in immobility and any tiny movements result in my insatiable appetite being roused to life like a roaring lion--which I cannot face therefore lying perfectly still and not moving might save me.

Here is the email post "cindy foxhole tuesday"

So far today:
root beer
black coffee
chia seeds soaked in homemade hemp mylk w chopped apple
plan: head over to the co-op get some kale chips etc
salad

Yesterday:
I can't even remember except last night salad bar and raw bar and hempseed latte late at night.

Despair, angst, grief cupboard is bare and I want FOOD!

I am grateful for a short entry today.
I am grateful for realizing my body is frozen in immobility and any tiny movements result in my insatiable appetite being roused to life like a roaring lion--which I cannot face therefore lying perfectly still and not moving might save me.
I am grateful that being frozen, immobilized by the attempt to repress my own energy and to try and be invisible and not take up space is becoming SO painful that to move and to bloom would be easier.

GodGoddess PLEASE help me through the tangle of inexperience and ineptness through to functionality, creation and sharing. ALSO help me acknowledge all I already accomplished this a.m. plus love my body for how it responds even to the freezing immobility. I thank you for Mr A and his use of me. If it be your will may he be here. Thy will not mine. I open and ask for personal contact, I ask for appropriate letting in of someone into my life whom I can touch, feel and see, in person.

I envision a boot camp which is forming. I envision a 30-day fitness challenge which will be video blogged by me. I envision the new moon colon cleanse and gallbladder flush as a series with curriculum and group chats and vblogging. I envision my rite-of-pasage 92-day juice feast v-logged and blogged and an ebook created out of the experience. Thy will not mine be done. All these visions require immense skill and growth and communication/organizatioin on my part which feels completely over my head at the moment yet it keeps manifesting a little more each day. People places things, all in HPs reach.

I was juicing a few days ago ...

I'm coaching some girls starting out with green smoothies ...
Join me in a 30-day Work-Out Challenge? Starts Oct 22, 2011
I am grateful that being frozen, immobilized by the attempt to repress my own energy and to try and be invisible and not take up space is becoming SO painful that to move and to bloom would be easier.
A Necessary Object: Watermelon Juice (with rind, yum!)
I envision a boot camp which is forming. I envision a 30-day fitness challenge which will be video blogged by me. I envision the new moon colon cleanse and gallbladder flush as a series with curriculum and group chats and vblogging.
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