Saturday, February 28, 2009

Slip or Choice? Change Is Within My Power

Hi a.,

I've been trying things like the 12-steps also I'm hoping to buy Angela Stokes book Raw Emotions, it's supposed to have some really good stuff in it for getting off the hamster wheel ya know? :-)

Anyway, this morning I began with:
Smoothie of lettuce, an orange, a banana about 4 dates. It was awesome! Mildly detoxing, hydrating and energizing.

The rest of the day I went along with the crowd and then some.

Tonite I swear that tomorrow I will walk the road less traveled and stay on what I know works for my body and no emo eating! My mom bought me fruit and dates and has a good blender.

I'm really interested in how it comes about that each of us, rationally speaking, has a total and complete CHOICE over what we put in our mouths and at the same time many of us have no defense against a sudden impulse to "change the plan" and regrettably put some foodstuff into our mouths which we know from previous experience to a) not truly be satisfying anyway (so for example, one is too many and a thousand not enough) b) actually hurts our energy and vitality levels so there needs to be recovery time.

I choose what I put in my mouth, right?

Then, how odd that I would make one choice in the morning and by nightfall have done complete opposite.

Hmmmmm, are the pulls really that great? And what stuff are these pulls made of? Subtle insanity (as the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous pg 42 calls it).


It's so not funny but I just wanted to step back and look at it as an interesting phenomena for a moment.

I truly suffer and know many do as well, from continually falling off the wagon. "Falling" or would it be more accurate to say "jumping" off the wagon since it isn't a slip--if I take full responsibility for my actions. I didn't "slip" I CHOSE to eat harmful stuff.

Okay, so today I made choices. Tomorrow I have more.

My son, who is in the best shape of his life right now, took me to the gym and I worked out with weights, lunges/squats in a class for one hour. It felt absolutely challenging and great. He is taking me back twice tomorrow at least one jog down to the water. He told me no one wants to do the easiest thing there is to do--count calories, measure their food and then stay within their caloric needs for the day to either maintain or lose weight depending on what they need to do.

He made it sound so simple.

So, he says, it has to come from within me. It's nice to have support people on line but if I haven't truly made up my mind that this is what I want to do, then nothing changes.

I (emphasis on I) *I* gotta do it.

For things to change, I gotta change. For things to get better, I gotta get better.

That means--and from Julia Cameron's book "Write Yourself Right Size" (awesome) the Four Questions.

1.) Am I really hungry?
2) Is this what I want to eat?
3) Is this what I want to eat now?
4) Is there something I could eat instead?

(What a concept thank you Julia!!!)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Juice Feast Idea to Cure Food Addiction

Hi everyone, I feel like I'm on another planet!

I'm about to visit my mom and all three of my kids in California PLUS my nephew and both my sisters will be there. I'm soo excited!

I'm struggling with sticking to any program right now (again waah) and I don't know if I ever found it worth mentioning, I am compulsive about food. Some might call it a disorder, though I've never gone for the pathology-based focus but prefer to focus on wellness and holistic alternative healing, I will say that I DO struggle to stick with my food plans and to not impulsively/compulsively eat!

I'm looking into doing a Juice Feast (90 days starting March 1) with a paid coach from for just those very reasons. I have found that as long as I'm putting no fiber in but lots of nutrient-dense juices IN, I get a reprieve from the cravings and acting out with food. Yes eating and overeating does numb. And I will say it is a painful struggle inside. I really would like to put this behind me and not spend my entire life in its clutches.

And yes I am taking a comprehensive approach to body mind soul and healing from root causes and such. So, I have a vitamix, all I would need are nutmilk strainer bags and lots of produce each day.

Anyone relate or have a better idea? *grins*

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

"Dr Graham Is An Effing Genius!"

I had delicious and refreshing banana milk this a.m. That means cold water with 3 bananas blend and enjoy.

Just after that I made a smoothie of fresh orange juice, lots of organic romaine leaves, a handful of deglet noor dates and a few very ripe bananas. Blend and enjoy! MMM very very tasty and refreshing and energizing and mood enhancing! :-) Weeeeh!

Quoted from rebeccaj on's 80-10-10 group. (Go to main page and click on groups, then on 80-10-10 and it's the February discussion.)

1. dr doug graham is an effing genius, and one of the only real
truth-tellers that i have come across in the world of nutrition and

2. a nibble, a bite, a taste, a sample - that's all it takes. for the
drunk, it's the first drink, and for me, it's the first bite. i simply
cannot afford anything that's not 80-10-10.

3. the happiest, healthiest, most beautiful, leanest, strongest, most
flexible i have ever been was after 2 months of 80-10-10, last
september. i'm heading there again, only this time, even better.

You can use the February discussion to post your daily meal intake to the group and support each other in the progress you make.

There are several very experienced 80-10-10ers there who I have learned so much from watching. They stick to it and have long term. It's a very simple food program or way of eating to follow.

When I see Sarah's menu for the day I breathe a sigh of relief. It's so rational, simple and not emotion-based. It looks like this:

B: banana milk
L: green smoothie
S: fruit
D: durian pudding

That's it! (I've paraphrased).

Ashley is a teen rock climber extraordinaire and very wise! She lives on lots of bananas. Watch her daily menu journal and her blog and like me, you'll learn there is a simpler way to eat and be totally athletic! :-)

Monday, February 16, 2009

Just Briefly


Seriously, yay!


I walked for an hour when I woke up this morning.

I had banana smoothie and whole banana and orange for brunch.

I had dates and bananas for dinner.

Other than that (and this is not sanctified 811 for any newbies out there) I had green tea and apple juice with colon care tonite before bed.

I'm happy to say I had a good 80-10-10 day. Went to two different meetings which have spiritual base for stepping out of addictive behaviors. Yay! :-)

Victoria Boutenko has written a book, a follow-up for her Green For Life and Raw Family books. It's called 12-steps to Raw Foods. It's very good. I highly recommend it!

Sunday, February 15, 2009



Our very first problem is to accept our present
circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the
people about us as they are. This is to adopt a
realistic humility without which no genuine advance can
even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to
that unflattering point of departure. This is an
exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice
every day of our lives. Provided we strenuously avoid
turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life
into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they
can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional
health and therefore spiritual progress can be built.

I'm accepting that I'm more lethargic, depressed and "hungry" (read stuffing myself) without the coffee and the hydroxy cuts. I miss my children but am where I'm supposed to be right now.

I can sweep the floor and scrub the refrigerator. I can go to bed on time, can't I?

Three things I'm grateful for:

My fiance who loves me very very much and shows it all day long.
My children including my fiance's sons who are very sweet and lovable.
My sisters, mom and nephew.
My dad, that maybe just maybe by drinking himself to an early death, I don't have to. Thanks dad I love you!
My health and able-bodiedness.
Fresh air and sunshine.
A table full of ripe bananas and papayas. Blueberries in the freezer.

That's way more than 3!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Truth About my Raw Foods Weight Gain

I stopped taking Hydroxy Cuts and stopped drinking coffee.

I've put on a few pounds since then but so far, have been determined to find balance without these stimulants. Then I want the stimulants and to feel "better" but still haven't acted on it.

This all came about when I began the Holiday challenge on November 15, 2008.

I am about ready to begin Fucothin again. I justify that since it's concentrated seaweed stuff and has no caffeine. But it's not 80-10-10 compatible.

But I haven't been as strict for a couple of days now. I was taken to a day spa all day yesterday and out to dinner and though I ordered salad I "condiments" extras.

Another truth? I miss my children a lot. That's another story but I will see them for a long weekend in 12 days.

The economy is stressful. That's so true. A lot of families have lost jobs. My fiancee didn't lose his job but was moved to nights. That has turned our schedules upside down. While we are both very grateful to have his job which turns out to pay more at night, it is true that we still have adjusting to do which isn't always easy.

I'm depressed and can barely make myself exercise and eat right today.

I began the spiritual meeting program and it has added resource to my life. I even really felt the difference as of today earlier. I got one of those mean-spirited or just plain careless emails from my ex, my childrens' father and that on top of missing them right now, I am exhausted.

Next? Bubble bath!! :-)

How is everybody else?

My plan? One day at a time. Do footwork on fiance's job so that maybe doors will open up to us in the west.That would be great. Meanwhile, do the best I can.

So, yes, I gained about 7 pounds by stopping the fucothin, hydroxycut and coffee. A combination of less "energy" to exercise (get up and go) plus bigger appetite and slower metabolism I guess.

I'm hoping to find my own internal metabolism balance if I just hang in there and wait. Next Thursday my fiance and I are going in for a series of weekly colonics. It hope to find some willpower to do my fiber and eat lightly such as the 80-10-10 up until Thursday. Maybe a detox will help boost my mood and motivation.

Seeing my little girl sure will. That reminds me. Tonight we both told each other on the phone that we are going to jog tomorrow and will check in in the evening and report about our jogs. :-)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Day 41 100-day raw foods challenge

I am happy to announce though that today I stayed all fruit except for some sprouts. AND ( a very big and) I did not gorge myself. Wow.

Yes, I still feel fat but not as bad. I'm kind of hopeful even. Plugged up, but hopeful. LOL.

B: 2 bananas and 5 dates, green tea

L: 3 bananas 5 dates

Snack: 1 cup of sprouts mix--lentil mung adzuki with 6 or 7 dates and one banana.

Dinner: 1 and a half medium papayas, chunked and lime juice on top.

Did yoga and deep breathing while lying on my wooden footsie roller thing all along the spine in sore spots and it felt so incredibly divine. Also stand on the footsie roller and stretch out and stuff. Really feels good, energizing and almost better than a real massage!

BTW: this is day 2 of my own personal 90-day spiritual challenge. I challenged myself last night. I went to a local womens' meeting, we study a spiritual-type book and discuss it's relevance to our experience and life and support each other. There are quite a few meetings around here which I intend to fully explore over the next 90 days. Point being that my hunch is a lot of this food preoccupation with me is more a spiritual hunger not about food at all.


Sunday, February 8, 2009

update on 80-10-10 crossposted on

cindy said:
ok my issue is if I feel "fat" for too many days, I get "on task" mode and want to do whatever it takes to slim up. I get creative and want back the caffeine etc.

Well, last nite yes I did the sushi.

and today I did beet salad and green salad and some espresso after lunch and chocolate.
with that said,

i made it off the daily coffee addiction wagon. a little espresso doesn't mean I'm back on it. I started my day with herb tea as usual. and i finished my day with NOT 80-10-10 but lightly steamed veggies with olive oil and nama shoyu and nutritional yeast, cayenne dulse. It really felt good.

I'll tell you the problem. Maybe I should find out if Dr Graham has a forum maybe I can get some help from him too.

the problem is constant flatulence with little teeny tiney turds every 15-20 minutes ALL DAY!

YES, my energy and emotional levels have been the best ever over the past two weeks or so I've been mostly on 811. YES, but the worst two things I've got sick of was flabby-ness and pooping teensy bits constantly.

I even got over enough of my sludge and depression that I exercised at a better level (still not as hard as this summere on hydroxy cuts) ... (but i do think I can work back up to that without caffeine!! I'm willing to keep trying, I'm just saying.)


(okay sorry for the drama :-))

Okay I don't have to be at 120 (caution: more drama) BUT I HAVE TO TONE MY THIGHS JUST A LITTLE MORE (lol)

There you have it in a nutshell. I want to be of service, want to save the world but heck, my ass has to be toned doin' it.

To clarify: I plan to start my day with the "oatmeal" (apple banana celer recipe I love--no dates yuck right now).

I plan to. But I'm on the verge of getting a fat-burning aid. I just feel too fat! No I'm not disordered. Just normal.

I was eating HUGE quantities. I'm going to actually do a spiritual challenge for 90-days which I think will help me stop obsessing on food and I can just do the 811 without eating such huge quantities. I think that will work. It's a daily spiritual meeting I'm going to go to. I think the overeating is more a spiritual thirst and hunger than an actual hunger for food.

So I only mentioned the veggies tonite because they helped me stop eating sushi and chocolate. It was a matter of eating the least junkie thing I could bear to eat. So, yes they were lightly cooked and with olive oil but it helped me get over the hump having gone off the wagon. Now I'm back. And it's 811 with my spiritual fellowship daily for 90 days.

If I workout daily it should work. *crosses fingers* :-)

Friday, February 6, 2009

Cross posted to 80-10-10 group on

I'm noticing a lighter sensation around my liver/gallbladder region. I'm noticing lighter sensation in my digestion.

I forgot to mention on my personal blog that yesterday I had a bit of trail mix at the office. It was toasted. It caused me to get a bad GB (gallbladder) headache all along my meridian.

So the same thing came up today at work again there was the bag of trail mix and I had a little less this time. Now I'm sipping blended banana hours later.

B: half a large papaya chunked with cup of blueberries and 1 banana sliced with SAUCE (this is huge portion btw) the sauce had 2 bananas another cup of blueberries and 8dates. I ate the whole thing!!

I did at least 20 minutes on the elliptical andlast night did about an hour. Plus weightlifting and floor exercises.

I am at 128.0 and that's about 5 pounds more than I want to be I guess but I look really thin to everybody else. Just working on toning my thighs up and keeping my happy hormones/neurotransmitters humming.

Lunch: banana and 2oz. raw almonds (not sprouted)

snack: a couple handfuls of trailmix at office

Dinner: banana smoothie.

I guess I feel okay. I almost went for sushi today, I almost went for it yesterday but didn't. If I do have sushi I'm going to try and have whole brown rice and bring my own nama shoyu into the restaurant.

I guess what I want to say is that I seem to stuff myself all the time and this is the first time in a very long time I haven't bombarded my system with fats and excitotoxins. It is giving my liver a rest. As far as the eating. Even though I had that trail mix which was off it, I still had a better day today because other than having an unusuallylarge breakfast, I ate smaller portions and was satisfied all the rest of the day plus I didn't eat all the way home inthe car. Last night I was shoving dates and bananas down my hatch all the way home from work. Plus the dates aren't that high quality. They are trader joes. They were perfect to start out with but now I'm starting to not want them anymore.

My skin is looking softer, I have more energy. I seem to have more organizational ability and clearer thinking. Even though I wouldn't consider myself a confused person or anything, I do notice greater clarity and ability to take action and get things done around the house whereas the old me always felt as though everything was difficult and things felt very cumbersome. Now things feel easier and not so overwhelming.

I'm sure that's the liver getting some breathing room and ability to actually detox and rest from daily bombardment.

My craps are teeny though and I feel a little plugged up.

Nite nite all! :-)

Ashley said:
Cindy, you had a great "Yesterday"

you are doing so well with this! How do you feel? More energy?

cindy said:
papaya brekky
papaya lunch
apple, banana, date "oatmeal' dinner
1/2 c. kale banana blueberry smoothie, snack

(hot tea of course as well).


Brekky: papaya with blueberry, banana date sauce.
green tea

off to work!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Must. Stop. Eating. Dates.

No, it's okay.Really.


B: papaya, banana, blueberries, date-sauce

L: same

D: dates and bananas (on the way home from work)

60 min. light elliptical with a couple brief faster intervals and with 4 to 5 resistance whole time.

S: smoothie with blue berry, banana and hemp powder

green tea for brekky too

herb tea for bed


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Had a Good Day With Papaya

So, today I had papaya for breakfast papaya for lunch and "oatmeal" (banana and apples with dates made into great mush.)

Just now I made a smoothie for my fiance and had a little of it. Just blueberries, banana and kale.

Thanks to the ones who are supporting me.


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Art Give-Away For First Ten Followers

Okay. I've had it.

I'm not in this blog to make money. I'm in it to support my health.


And to do that takes other people.

Real human beings.

And there are a lot of caring human beings trying to stay healthy as I am trying to do.

The first ten of you who click on "follow this blog" and leave me a comment will receive a beautiful print made by Helen Newman. I have about ten of them on consignment from her and I will buy them and pay for them myself and send you a beautiful card suitable for framing, postage free.

Here are her prints which I have in stock.

If you follow this blog and are among the first ten. You will receive this card and end up with a possibly friend-for-life. Just think we can get healthy together and do the before and after deal or something.

With me, it's not that I'm overweight. I'm just stressed, a bit frail and wiped out looking. I need to eat right and detox and nourish, rest and work out and spend less time on the internet. By signing up you let me relax a little.

How may I help *you*? Because you rock. You deserve health. You deserve to have a community of people around you who are working for better energy and wanting to better the world beginning with their families and neighbors, country and planet.

This planet *must* also somehow impact the enire universe in ways we have yet to fully comprehend. The butterfly wing affect, the ripple affect whatever you want to call it. As we connect and support one another, surely it will spread to benefitting more folks than we know.

So click "follow" now LOL.

Editors Note: Duh, it's okay to wanna make money though. Thus the affiliate badges to thy right.

old pro or old

well, suddenly *laughs* I feel old not "old pro" when it comes to raw. it is snowing , i'm snowed in. mybananas aren't ripe and i ate rice and teeny sliver (2 teeny teeny ones actually) of chocolate cake.

i had a teeny tiny bit of corn chips and salsa.

so anyway, my tummy is a different kind of full.

i was almost 100% on 811 just before that except hot tea really.

speaking of tea i think i'll make some.

as long as i stop at this point, that is, as long as i don't continue to put cooked food in my body, i should survive this fairly well. if i get on the elliptical then get a hot bath and a good nights rest i should be okay.

it's just that in the past if i fail and i don't feel and look as good as i wanted instantly i sometimes make it world worse by going on long runs. and i don't mean jogging or trips to the loo.

no, it's not what i want.

i want health and energy and happiness.

i want time with my family--not time sick because i've overeaten or made unwise food choices.


i'm sick of it. really tired of yo yo. i want consistency. why were all i mean ALL the bananas dark green EVERYWHERE?

i need to understand that it's usually better to just skip a meal than to eat something my body doesn't need right now.

thanks for reading. i'll be okay.
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