Saturday, December 20, 2008

check-in (crossposted to 80-10-10 Raw Fu)

weight 135.
I gained 7 pounds. :-)
The only thing I can figure out is I ate a lot as a way of coping with a lulled economy and my BF's layoff.
I am realizing that this particular stress might last a while and that I need to understand that my choice is in how I respond to it. Eating was "fun" for a while. Seven pounds worth.
"Help, God!!" Well, that's a good way to start the day.
But, you know, I now choose to "float" (that's the word instead of "limbo".)
I once was gifted with a bracelet which was designed by a Hopi shaman. He had given these bracelets to my mom's best friend Joy whose husband had helped the nation in AZ with TB treatments apparantly. It was honestly come by yet I won't wear it out of respect for my Native American friend who has requested I not romanticize or rip-off her culture as a white woman.
Anyway, the design on the bracelet was "sea woman" and Joy told a story upon presenting this to me of sea woman. What I can recall without watching the video of it is a woman is out at sea and has a choice whether to fight the current or surrender. The sea will care for her and land her safely to shore. All she has to do is embrace change and relax, go with it.
His layoff feels like being lost at sea in a way, old fears seem to surface irrationally and eating or being anxious are easy to reach for, aren't they, reader?
But, just now I lift the corners of my mouth into a smile. I let myself gasp a little which forms in to a little laugh. What if all is well? What if I'm really okay? What if this really is a step into a better work situation and living situation for all of us?
By golly, I'm going to act "as if" it is! *smiles more broadly, laughs a tiny bit more audibly*
Sooo shouldn't I be exercising and eating and resting properly? Shouldn't I be meditating and giving support to others? Shouldn't I be conscientious with my spending and working wisely?
Hmm!
True. True. Truue. Truuuuuue.
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